The Ultimate Poop Stories
Ah, the joy of parenthood. The stories we swap and connect over are nothing that I could have imagined. I have 3 stories and I think (more like hope) that is enough for a lifetime. For the record, Ehab tends to take over and clean for me. I can not do it. I start gagging just thinking about cleaning them up.
Story number 1:
It was a wonderful day. I woke up at noon with nothing to worry about. The house was polished clean, the laundry was done and the dishes, well, there were no dishes of course. This is how I hope I started my story but it is not.
It was one of those days where nothing is going my way. One of those days that ended with me sitting and crying on the bed. The night before I stayed up until 1:30 AM doing laundry and ended up sleeping around 2:00 AM.
The morning starting at 6:00 AM with Bill pulling on my hair. He was a little cranky. He kept nagging and crying for attention. Bill wanted me to stop everything am doing and sit beside him while he played. I got cranky and upset. I haven’t slept well and I have a screaming baby that is following around me while I am trying to make breakfast for everyone.
Joe came to me and said:” Rita are you mad!?”
Me:” yes, very mad! Bill won’t stop complaining. I already have a headache.”
Joe taps me on my back and says with a simple smile: “ you’re not mad silly goose”.
Me:” Yes Joe. I am very mad”.
Joe taps me again:” No you are not mad silly goose”.
I looked at him and smiles and said:” No, am not mad. You always know how to make me laugh”.
Joe:” Rita, are you happy now?”.
Me:” Yes. Thank you for making me happy”.
Joe:” you’re welcome”.
Joe is going through a picky phase with food. He has one of the worst habits ever. He puts food in his mouth and sits. He refused to chew or swallow. The food stays in his mouth until he starts gagging because the combination of food and saliva becomes very weird. Eventually, he spits it all in my hands. During that day Joe spat the food 3 times. I was already so upset. I thought I should just take Bill to bathe him. I filled the tub and put him to play for a bit. When the kids play in the tub I usually sit beside them on the floor and wait until they are done. Bill was in the water for less than a minute when I looked up and found his poop floated on the toys. I grabbed him quickly and moved him to the second bathroom. I filled the new tub with water and put him to play again. Two minutes later I noticed Bill is really focused on something but there weren't any toys in this tub. I look up and found poop floating in the water again but this time Bill is playing with it. He was testing out the texture. Did he taste it you ask? I hope not.
Story number 2:
I have not been able to vacuum the house. As soon as I bring the vacuuming machine out, they run. Joe wants to help me vacuum and Bill wants to climb on it. I was getting frustrated because my house wasn't clean. So we started researching options and decided to buy an Irobot Roomba. We have carpet so we looked into it and found the Roomba that is the best fit for our needs. We set it to clean downstairs every day at 3:00 AM. We would wake up and find the carpet spotless. Then I would move it upstairs to clean. One day the Roomba was upstairs, I took the kids to shower. I took off their clothes and ran downstairs to get something. Then I heard the Roomba starting to clean. I didn't think much of. I thought the kids are just playing with it.
When I got upstairs I was in Joe's room brown streaks all over the carpet. He had to go and had an accident on the carpet and wanted to clean it. The Roomba started dragging all over the room. It had "vacuum" what it can. Needless to say, It was full of poop. I felt like those cartoon characters with steam coming out of their ears!
Note: I regret my reaction that day. I was so mad at him. I yelled at him really bad and punished him longer than I ever had. When I calmed down I thought about it. He had an accident on the carpet. He used the Roomba to clean it for me. He knows I hate cleaning poop and he just wanted to help. It was not a proud moment for me!
Story number 3:
Joe has been wearing pull-ups for a while now. Potty training has not been going as well as I had hoped. I was changing his diaper and talking to him. He was asking me to read one of his stories. So I rolled up the diaper and started reading the story. Halfway through the book, I thought to myself:" what is Bill playing with?". I look behind me and take a moment of silence. He took the diaper to play with and flung it with force. The poop flew and landed on the kid's toys. Bill was still playing with the dirty diaper as if nothing happened. He seems to be an explorer of some sort. He is always trying to understand and figure out the mystery of that thing we call poop.
I think for one person that is a lot of poop stories. Can you top them?
The brown on Joe’s hands are just yummy chocolate! 😉 because kids are messy!